


Inspections

by kenzz_95



Series: Trektober 2020 [14]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27001588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenzz_95/pseuds/kenzz_95
Summary: The Enterprise is getting their every other year inspection from some commander that may be the least likable bureaucrat Jim's ever met, which is saying something. They're going to do well, though, and everyone is going to be on their best behavior and act like model Starfleet officers, which means Bones isn't coming up to the bridge all the time for no reason. Jim misses him. He's just trying to spend some time with his boyfriend, but the damn inspector is ruining all his fun lately.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Series: Trektober 2020 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948633
Comments: 12
Kudos: 74
Collections: Trektober 2020





	Inspections

**Author's Note:**

> Trektober Day 14: Medbay
> 
> This has less of a "plot" and more of two scenes from the same hypothetical storyline. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Jim Kirk was bored.  _ Bored _ . This was probably, well, he wasn’t sure if it was his  _ least _ favorite part of being captain, but it was certainly up there. The thing about the Enterprise crew is that they sort of had their own way of doing things, and that way worked fine for them, thank you very much. In fact, it worked great for them. They were a touch more on the casual side when compared to a lot of ships, but in Jim’s opinion there were two types of rules: rules that existed to keep people safe and help them do their jobs, that were to be followed...well, not always, but often, and rules that were borne of bureaucratic bullshit that didn’t help anyone. Those types of rules were often ignored on the Enterprise. It was his personal preference, but also the personal preference of most of his crew. Most of them. He had worked pretty damn hard to stop Spock from announcing “captain on the bridge” every time he walked in, even though he managed to get everyone else to stop doing it in like a day. But still. They had their own way of doing things, and inspections put a giant wrench in all of that. Because every couple of years the admiralty sent some snitch of a commander on every ship for a brief time, and said snitch then brought all their observations, every minor code infraction and whatever the fuck, back the admiralty. And Jim hated it. Well and truly hated it.

The first time he had to undergo inspections, he was slightly under a year into his captaincy and while they had tried to tone down their tendency - his tendency - to play it fast and loose, they had still gotten absolutely reamed by the admiralty. But not this time. This time, a little over a year into the Enterprise relaunch, they were going to do better. Jim needed them to do better. Not just for his own reputation, which he frankly didn’t give a damn about, but for the reputation of his crew. Nobody was losing out on future opportunities all because the admirals thought they served on a mess of a ship. So they would do better and be more serious and their uniforms would all be regulation at all times and nobody was going to play games on their consoles when they were bored. And people weren’t going to wander around the ship during work hours just because they had nothing to do and wanted to say hello to their friends. Hence why Jim was bored, because in the three days since the snively commander had come on board, Bones had come up to the bridge all of twice, both times for official business after which he promptly left. The CMO wasn’t just supposed to be hanging around the bridge or popping up for 20 minutes in the middle of a slow shift or whatever it was that Bones usually did every day, often several times a day. In Jim’s book it wasn’t a problem and that wasn’t just because Bones was his best friend turned, well, boyfriend sounded real blasse but he supposed it was accurate. Maybe partner? But it was probably too new for that. The Enterprise had three doctors and a crew of nurses for a ship of 400. Sometimes all three of them were insanely busy, like in a crisis situation or just when there was some sort of bug being spread around the crew. But other times, more frequently actually, all they had was an occasional minor injury and their research to keep them occupied. And a lot of biomedical research had a time component to it, so if Bones or anyone else really didn’t have anything pressing to do and just wandered around the ship instead, Jim didn’t mind at all. They all worked hard and they were the best medical team in the fleet. But the admiralty and their little rat didn’t care about that, didn’t care about context or anything else, so Bones remained in medbay, doing God only knows what.

Jim decided, on the afternoon of the fourth day when he was so bored with their starcharting mission he could cry because usually the bridge crew would find a way to make this sort of shit fun but the inspector could show up at any moment and it turns out trying to play at the model Starfleet crew on a mission as boring and routine as this one  _ sucked _ , that maybe he should find out what exactly Bones was doing down there in medbay all day. Not that he couldn’t just ask the man when they were off shift, in fact he had and Bones’ answer had been “trying not to die of boredom” which wasn’t that specific, but he wanted to see for himself. And, okay, he just wanted to see Bones. He loved the man, in pretty much every conceivable definition of the word. So sue him.

The nice thing about being captain was that Jim could just randomly leave the bridge whenever he wanted without telling anyone where he was going, and if the inspector wandered up there and asked Sulu, who had the conn, where Jim had gone, Sulu could say he didn’t know and it wouldn’t be a lie or sound at all odd. Typically, if Jim did go to stretch his legs or something during a mission like this, he let the bridge crew know where and for how long and why. They had to do it for him, and he was a big believer in transparency. But Jim didn’t want any of them to have to lie for him, so he just said nothing, got an odd look from Sulu as he handed him the conn, and took the turbolift down to medbay.

Jim found Bones sitting on a biobed eating a sandwich and looking at a PADD. Medbay was empty, aside from a privacy screen draw around one of the beds. And by empty he meant really empty. He didn’t see a nurse or tech anywhere. Bones flinched a bit, but when he saw it was Jim his shoulders relaxed.

“Good afternoon, captain, what can I do for you?” Bones asked in a voice that, if you didn’t know him, maybe wouldn’t have sounded like it was dripping with sarcasm, but Jim did know him, he knew him really well.

“I’m alone,” Jim said, crossing the room to hop on the bed next to Bones and swipe a bite of his sandwich. Bones cuffed him on the neck, took the sandwich back, then gave Jim a quick kiss and rolled his eyes,

“That goddamn inspector is making me insane. You know he was down here for  _ two hours _ this morning. Just...standing there with his beady little eyes and his PADD. Watching.”

“I actually haven’t seen him all day,” Jim shrugged, “Thank God.”

“Don’t go jinxing yourself, not while you’re sitting in my medbay,” Bones warned him, “What are you doing down here anyway?”

“I miss you?”

“Try again.”

“And I’m damn bored.”

“That’s more like it.”

“But I do miss you! It’s not the same without you popping up to the bridge a couple times a day.”

“Hmm…” Bones hummed, “I seem to recall you saying just last week that pointless visiting of friends was on temporary hold while this damn inspector is here.”

“Yes, but see this isn’t pointless.”

“Isn’t it? Can you tell me what exactly you’re going to tell the inspector if he comes down to find you in here just sitting around?”

“Official captain’s business,” Jim shrugged with a grin, “No can do.”

“You’re a goddamn menace,” Bones said, voice thick with affection.

“Hey now, this is the least menace-like thing I’ve done in a while.  _ Also _ , I’m your menace,” Jim pointed out, swinging an arm over Bones’ shoulders.

“I suppose you are, aren’t you?” Bones conceded.

“Hey, where is everyone anyways? It’s, like, weirdly quiet in here,” Jim asked because he still hadn’t seen another living being down here aside from Bones himself.

“Uh…” Bones stalled, looking somewhat guilty all of a sudden then hopping off the bed to double check that the coast was clear. Oh, this was gonna be good. Bones rarely made trouble, but Jim had a feeling this was it. His “Bones isn’t restraining his chaos” senses were tingling. Finally, Bones pulled back the privacy screen that was around one of the beds, and revealed his entire staff playing what appeared to be poker around a spare biobed. Jim burst out laughing at the sight of two nurses and two techs playing cards while on duty, looking somewhat guilty at being caught doing so.

“I’m keeping watch,” Bones explained, smiling at Jim’s reaction, “I would like to point out, for the official record and all, that there isn’t  _ shit _ to do down here today. None of the cultures I’m working on will be ready until…”

“I  _ know _ ,” Jim laughed, “I know the way you guys work down here. My only real question is how you ended up keeping watch. You love poker.”

“The rest of us had to have a fair shot,” Christine chimed in, “McCoy kept taking all our chips. We have therefore banned him for the afternoon.”

Bones was looking rather self-satisfied at Christine’s words, a rare but very attractive expression on his face. Figures. Bones was scary good at poker. He said it made up for him being completely shitty at chess. Regardless, he won nearly every command team poker night.

“You should try playing blackjack with Jim,” Bones told his staff in a voice that sounded more like a warning, “I’ll warn you, the man counts cards like nobody I’ve ever met.”

“Pretty sure that’s against the rules,” one of the new techs, a recent graduate, said, then blushed when he seemed to remember who he was speaking to, “Sir.”

“That’s a dumb rule anyways,” Jim complained, “How is being good at math and probability  _ cheating _ ?”

“When it’s against the rules, Jim,” Bones pointed out.

“Whatever. Rules are meant to be broken. Anyways, I can’t stick around, I just wanted to come say hello. I’m glad you’re all enjoying yourself.”

“Oh, captain, we actually need your signature on…” Christine started but Bones cut her off with a stiff shake of his head,

“That can wait a few hours I think. Or even until tomorrow.”

“If you say so,” Christine shook her head with a laugh. Jim, meanwhile, was confused.

“What do you need my signature on?”

“Oh, just some requisition form for a project Christine’s working on. I’ll bring it up to you later.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it, doctor,” Jim grinned and exchanged a knowing look with Bones, who squeezed him on the shoulder and said,

“I’ll see you in a few hours then. Try not to get into too much trouble in the meantime.”

In a perfect world, Jim would’ve exchanged a kiss with Bones before he headed back to the bridge. Actually, in a  _ perfect _ world he would bend Bones over this very biobed, but the privacy screen was still pulled back and all the currently on shift medical staff were watching them, so Jim kept his lips to himself. They were trying to be professional about this, as really neither of them cared much for PDA in a workplace setting especially, and they figured having to watch the captain and CMO kiss might make some people uncomfortable, which was the last thing either of them wanted. So instead Jim slapped Bones twice on the back, shot him a smile, and walked backwards out of medbay,

“Oh, would if I could get into trouble. See ya later, Bones. Everyone.”

Technically, Jim figured as he pressed Bones into the glass wall of his office a few days later, they weren’t doing anything wrong. There was no rule that said that the captain and CMO couldn’t make out in the CMO’s office because the CMO drew the short straw for gamma shift and the captain was bored without his boyfriend. Jim wasn’t working, and technically neither was Bones because he was just on call and there was certainly nobody calling right then. The call that had brought Bones down here had been well taken care of by the time Jim wandered down to medbay, bored and antsy and unable to sleep in their bed alone. Kissing Bones stupid in his office hadn’t exactly been the plan specifically, but Bones had been being all attractive so while the unfortunate ensign sat on a biobed with an osteoregenerator strapped to his leg, Jim was relishing the taste of the doctor’s mouth. The door was closed, a nurse was monitoring the patient, they weren't in public, so technically it wasn’t against the rules. Not that Jim really could find it in himself to care at the moment regardless, especially when Bones’ hands were on his ass and God they were  _ not _ going to have sex in Bones’ office, but this was really damn good too.

At least it was until the door to Bones’ office hissed open without a chime and when Jim cracked open his eyes he found himself face to face with a blushing red inspector. Shit. He took a quick step back, but apparently he had been supporting more of Bones’ weight than he’d thought and Bones slid down the wall a little before catching himself, something Jim normally would’ve thought was funny in just about any other situation. But as it was Bones finally looked up at the inspector, turned a bright shade of cherry red, straightened his uniform shirt, then snapped,

“Inspector. They teach you how to knock at snitch school?”

Jim had to suppress a laugh. He had to try really hard.

“Can we help you, inspector?” Jim asked, trying to put on his best diplomatic tone of voice, the one that wouldn’t make the inspector think he actually desperately wanted to punch him between his beady little eyes.

“This,” he sputtered, still matching Bones’ deep blush perfectly. Jim was more annoyed than embarrassed, personally. “This is highly inappropriate!”

“Explain to me, please, why what we do behind closed doors is any of your goddamn business,” Bones requested and oh, Jim was going to have to watch this one because Bones was flustered and embarrassed and pissed, a combination that could only lead to Bones losing what little filter he usually had and yelling at someone, probably. Normally Jim found that very funny, unless it was aimed at him, but in this case they were walking on unstable ground with this inspector as is.

“I shouldn’t have to explain why two senior officers engaging in intimate relations in public ship areas while on duty is highly inappropriate.”

“I’m not on duty,” Jim pointed out, beating Bones to whatever punch his boyfriend was going to deliver. Jim was wearing a goddamn t-shirt and jeans, anyone with eyes could see he wasn’t on duty. “And Dr. McCoy is on call, which is not the same thing as being on duty, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“And this ain’t a public space,” Bones added, “This is my damn office, the door was closed, and the windows were blacked out.  _ Most _ people buzz the door before they just go walking into people’s closed private offices.”   


“The patient in medbay…”   


“Just broke his goddamn leg, he’s stable under a regen and under supervision by the gamma nurse. Medical protocol would allow me to be back asleep in my quarters right now and if you’re trying to imply that I would  _ ever _ put a patient at risk in favor of my goddamn personal life, I would like to direct you to the nearest airlock you can shove that idea right out of,  _ commander _ ,” Bones snapped, staring the inspector down with a look Jim knew could be intimidating as hell when Bones wanted it to be. And, just as he’d expected, the inspector seemed to shrink under Bones’ glare. It was actually kind of hot. Jim dismissed the thought for the moment, there was time for that later.

The inspector squared his shoulders, obviously trying to shake off the fact that Bones, while being all bark and absolutely no bite, could actually be a bit scary sometimes. He cleared his throat,

“Fraternization between ranks…”

“Is to be approached with extreme caution, however is not strictly against regulations,” Jim finished parroting the regulation the inspector had been bringing up because damn this guy couldn’t just let it go, could he? “You may also notice, if you check our records, that we have both properly filled out the  _ voluntary _ disclosure forms. You will find that although this is a bit of an awkward situation for all of us, no rules were broken here.”   


“Except the goddamn social norm to  _ buzz a door before you just walk in _ ,” Bones jumped in, still giving the inspector that pointed look.

“Uh, yes,” the inspector finally conceded, wringing his hands, “Quite. I think we can all agree to be more careful next time and leave it at that.”

Bones opened his mouth, probably to insist that they hadn’t actually done anything wrong and it was the inspector who needed to be more careful, but Jim elbowed him in the ribs and smiled sweetly,

“Of course we can. Enjoy the rest of your night, inspector.”

The inspector gave a stiff nod and turned towards the door,

“Captain. Lieutenant Commander.”

“It’s  _ Doctor _ ,” Bones barked towards the already closing door. When the door hissed closed, he leaned back against the wall, “Damn rank obsessed bastard. I could slip him a sedative for the rest of the trip and nobody would be any the wiser.”

“Whatever happened to ‘do no harm’?” Jim laughed, leaning against the wall next to Bones.

“I’m feelin’ flexible on that one tonight.”

“He’ll be off the ship in a few days. It’s almost done.”

“He better be. Or Scotty’s threatening to shoot him out an airlock and I may briefly have short-term memory loss when it happens.”

“You’re scary when you’re pissed,” Jim pressed his lips into Bones’ neck, “And hot. When it’s not directed at me.”

“I think the hell not,” Bones pulled away, “Go back to your quarters. I’ll be up once I sign off on that damn kid’s leg. Won’t be more than an hour at this point.”

“Fine,” Jim sighed, “Love you, Bones.”   


“Love you too, Jim.”

Bones allowed a quick kiss on the lips before Jim left his office. Dammit, that inspector had effectively killed his chances of making out in Bones’ office for God knows how long now. If this happened again, maybe Jim would have to suddenly have short term memory loss about Scotty’s threat to push the man out an airlock as well. They better at least be getting a good rating for all their troubles, although if he was being honest Jim was starting to doubt if it was really worth it. Oh well. At least he had Bones, and there wasn’t a goddamn thing this inspector could do to change that. No matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> I have this headcanon that sometimes people try to call Bones "Lieutenant Commander" rather than "Doctor" but it's a mistake they only make once because "dammit, you're erasing the one title I actually give a damn about!"
> 
> I'm not always good at responding to comments because I'm awkward and don't usually know what to say back, but know I read every single comment I get on any of my fics and each and every one of them makes my day.


End file.
